One of the most disturbing things I'm encountering on this adventure is people who are jealous, critical, uninformed and toxic. They don't come right out and say, "This is crazy." They dig and drip and make offhand comments like, "Are you sure you can afford to do that?" or "Shouldn't you be spending your money on your retirement?" These are not caring comments. They may think they are, but the truth is, it is NO ONE'S BUSINESS how I spend my money, the money I earned, or the money I've raised. As one of the women in my sailing class kept repeating when people tried to tell her how to do something, "You don't pay my cell phone bill."
People who claim to be "well meaning" or "caring" can be the biggest dream killers of all. They are usually retired, living off a spouse's money, or have no life of their own. They are afraid to risk, to take on achieving their own dreams, so they destroy the dreams of others. They may not consciously intend to, but that's what happens. Ignore them. If they don't get the picture, confront them. If they still don't get it then file a restraining order if you have to - but GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
Ways to tell someone is toxic:
- You feel slime'd after being with them, like you need a shower to wash off their energy.
- They drain your energy.
- You feel anxious or apprehensive when you see a text, email or Facebook post from them.
- They bring nothing to the table. They don't encourage or support you. They merely express doubt about everything you do.
- They gossip to others about you - making sure everyone knows THEY don't think you do whatever it is you are wanting or planning to do.
Set strong boundaries and enforce them. Don't worry about hurting their feelings. They sure aren't worried about your feelings, so why should you care about theirs. Their primary goal is to drag you down into their misery. Don't let them.
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