Cast Off The Naysayers!

One of the most disturbing things I'm encountering on this adventure is people who are jealous, critical, uninformed and toxic. They don't come right out and say, "This is crazy." They dig and drip and make offhand comments like, "Are you sure you can afford to do that?" or "Shouldn't you be spending your money on your retirement?" These are not caring comments. They may think they are, but the truth is, it is NO ONE'S BUSINESS how I spend my money, the money I earned, or the money I've raised. As one of the women in my sailing class kept repeating when people tried to tell her how to do something, "You don't pay my cell phone bill."

People who claim to be "well meaning" or "caring" can be the biggest dream killers of all. They are usually retired, living off a spouse's money, or have no life of their own. They are afraid to risk, to take on achieving their own dreams, so they destroy the dreams of others. They may not consciously intend to, but that's what happens. Ignore them. If they don't get the picture, confront them. If they still don't get it then file a restraining order if you have to - but GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

Ways to tell someone is toxic:

• You feel slime'd after being with them, like you need a shower to wash off their energy.
• They drain your energy. 
• You feel anxious or apprehensive when you see a text, email or Facebook post from them.
• They bring nothing to the table. They don't encourage or support you. They merely express doubt about everything you do. 
• They gossip to others about you - making sure everyone knows THEY don't think you do whatever it is you are wanting or planning to do. 

Toxic people will destroy your dreams before you even realize they've undermined your foundation. Be vigilant and pay attention to your emotions. Take action the instant you realize a toxic person is dripping their acid on your dreams.

Set strong boundaries and enforce them. Don't worry about hurting their feelings. They sure aren't worried about your feelings, so why should you care about theirs. Their primary goal is to drag you down into their misery. Don't let them.

Graduated from Sailing School

The first day of sailing school was rainy, cold and the rain was horizontal to 45 degrees most of the day. My $30 Walmart rain gear kept me dry, but not warm. I layered and was fine until my hands and feet got cold. Then misery set in. Day two was rainy, but not as windy or cold. Day three was overcast, but warm enough to take off the foulie (foul weather gear) jacket. There was some sun. The last day (above) was sunny and warm and wonderful. I fell in love.

At first I thought I was too old, too slow, too cold and too weak to do this. I seriously contemplated giving up on my dream - for about five minutes. Then I kicked myself in the ass and got back to doing what I was doing - learning to sail. I passed my written test - 99 out of 100, and if I hadn't rushed the last question I'd have had a perfect score. Live and learn. Rushing was a small regret. But one that keeps popping up. I need to stop rushing things - including this adventure.

Remember, I have a boat to buy, insurance, a dock slip where I can at least sail, if not live aboard. I have repairs, more lessons, more school....it's daunting. I also have a new magazine I'm launching (with no money, only a conviction that it will succeed). And I'm paying bills....

Life, I tell myself, shouldn't be so hard. Then I think, "Why not?" Part of my mother's list of regrets goes back to dreaming, not planning. I see myself in her. I have the dreaming down pat - it's the planning that needs work.

Regrets are things we didn't do, rarely things we did do, although I have plenty of both.
"I wish I had, I should'a, could'a, would'a" are all mantras of those who go to our graves wishing we had acted on our dreams. In the days before sailing school, as excited as I was, I wondered if I was doing the best thing, the right thing. I doubted myself, felt a lot of fear, but did it anyway. Apparently that is the template for my life. Decide to do something, become terrified about doing it, then do it anyway. From going to Africa (Uganda) twice in one year, to sailing school, to imagining I'm going to be navigating this 400 mile stretch of river never having sailed before this summer...it's all fear based at first. But, I know from years, decades of this pattern, that once I step off of the cliff, I fly. I go from scared to exhilerated in seconds. It is the moment of stepping into space not knowing what will happen, that transforms us.